Sickness…

Image courtesy of Ohmega1982 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So its been two weeks since my last post and to be honest I’ve been feeling THAT miserable I didn’t think I’d ever post another entry again!!

To rewind a little bit….a couple days after hearing the fantastic news that everything was A-OK at the scan, I started to feel a bit queasy. Now, I honestly (naively) thought that I may just have escaped this whole morning sickness drama – given that everyone else’s seemed to have kicked in after 4 weeks and here I was at 6 weeks feeling rather well. So when the queasiness kicked in I kinda though “welllll this is okay…I can deal with this…its not too bad and I don’t feel like I want to be sick”. Fast forward two weeks, a couple of trips barking into the toilet and copious hours layed out on my bed in the fetal position I can safely say that I have not escaped unscathed.

In truth its made me feel utterly miserable and emotional. I’ve gone off all the lovely healthy foods that I used to eat (basically ALL vegetables) and now I crave hamburgers and pizza. I feel too ill to exercise and often wake up wondering how in the hell I am supposed to get through a day at work feeling like this! Cue floods of tears….

I told my boss about the pregnancy after the scare as the day I had the scan booked I was supposed to be flying to Aberdeen with her for work. Being female, with two kids of her own I thought (again naively) that she would be understanding of the way I am now feeling and cut me a little slack, so cue more floods of tears when the response was “I had morning sickness with my two and didn’t find it that bad”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to take off a couple of days sick last week when I literally couldn’t move, and upon returning to the office she did not even ask how I was!! So the next 7 months are going to fun to say the least…

One bit of advice I would give to any expectant mums – advice which was given to me and I initially ignored! – is to eat little, and often. It sounds so simple but it really really helps. The moment my stomach starts turning over I have a small biscuit and I find it keeps the nausea to a minimum. The result if I don’t do this is sitting in front of a toilet dry-wretching until my eyes feel like they’re going to explode out my head.

So other than that, I’ve been ticking off each day and counting down the seconds until I am through this first trimester, because from what I can tell, and what a billion people are keen to tell me, it gets better after that.

I truly hope so.

Happy Days!!

So as you can probably guess from the heading – everything is A-OK!!

I had the scan today and nearly cried with joy when the ultrasonographer told us that the baby was in the right place and that everything looked fine! We even saw the heartbeat which was truly amazing.

I’m going to keep this post short and sweet and savour the excitement and relief as I’m sure there will be a new worry just around the corner, but thank you SO much for the messages of support, they are so comforting in times of uncertainty x

Our first (major) scare…

So the first week AK (“after knowing”) passes at a snails pace. I mean I’m literally counting down the seconds until I reach the 6 week mark….because then that would make me closer to the 12 week goal post that everything seems to be measured by.

I read a million posts online about all the things that could wrong at this time, and start to hyperventilate. I panic about all the foods I can and can’t eat because of the 0.00000000001% chance they may cause miscarriage. In this respect I find myself googling every single ingredient before I eat something. It’s amazing how much contradicting information there is out there. So I panic some more.

I was quite a prominant cyclist BB (“before bump”), cycling a few 100 kilometers a week, and now – I’m too scared to get on my bike in case I cause a miscarriage. I have been reassured that this isnt possible, but a baby seems to have replaced my senses.

To give you some background – I’m living in the UK, in a lovely family friendly suburb of West London. But I’m not originally from England, I moved here by myself from South Africa nearly 10 years ago in pursuit of happiness. So all my family (apart from an aunt & uncle I see maybe once a year) live in South Africa, although my mum passed away from cancer 7 years ago. Hubby is in a similar boat in that his family emmigrated to Australia, and so, in this respect, we are pretty much on our own.

So, the night before my 6 week mark, something big happens. I’m woken up in the night by the most excrutiating cramps. Like a period paid but magnified by a million. Its so painful its making me feel nauseous. And I’m convinced I’m having a miscarriage. So I just lie there hardly daring to breathe, hoping to go to sleep and wake up and find its a bad dream. About 30 minutes later the pains ease off and I go back to sleep.

In the morning, I feel rotten. I tell hubby what happened, and he tells me to call NHS Direct as GP isn’t open yet. I go through all the standard questions with them, with the result that they tell me I must see a doctor within 6 hours. So, I phone my GP when they open and make an emergency appointment.

At the appointment my GP tests urine, blood pressure etc and all seems OK…but she refers me to the early pregnancy unit for a scan as there’s a possibility of ectopic pregnancy. And there you have it – the words I’ve been dreading to hear. It’s almost as if I have panicked this scenario into reality.

So I call EP unit and try to book an appointment – did I mention it’s Friday and Monday is a bank holiday? The EP unit don’t have availability until Tuesday, but given the issue they tell me to go straight to A&E. So off we trudge to A&E, where I see maybe a million more doctors, nurses, and gyneas and have a million more tests including two internal exams. They can’t send me for a scan because the scanning unit is closed until Tuesday and at this stage they don’t think it’s serious enough to call in the on-call ultrasound techie – lucky him, he gets to enjoy his long weekend. Me on the other hand, I’m told I can go home and wait until Tuesday to have a scan. 5 hours in A&E and I’m no further forward other than my panic levels are in overdrive and time has now stood still. How am I going to get through 3 whole days of waiting when there are now a million new worries going through my mind?

Well, it’s Monday today, so somehow I’ve made it through the past two days without running back to the hospital. The weather has been lovely which has helped my mood, and yesterday hubby took me to Hampton Court Palace for a stroll around the gardens to help occupy ourselves. There were children everywhere as they had some events on in the gardens for the bank holiday, so I couldn’t help thinking how lovely it would be to come here with a little crew in tow.

I’ve done a bit more reading this weekend and have come to realise this whole pregnancy thing is very much odds based when determining chances for success.  Anything can happen at any time (not just before 12 weeks) and for any reason. Although you can improve your odds with healthy lifestyle and food choices, some things are outside of control and you just have to throw the dice and take your chances. So, my dice has been thrown and mother nature has taken over.

I have no doubt that if everything goes well tomorrow I will have a million more scares before I get to hold my baby in my arms, but I guess that’s what makes the end result even more special.

17th May 2013 – The day everything changed…

So this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this…blogging I mean….I’ve never felt like I’ve had anything that important or interesting to say – until now!!

So lets rewind a little bit…

My husband and I only got married a few weeks ago, and although we were trying for the baby from the night of our wedding, I don’t think either of us thought it would happen so soon…

The stats:
Date of last period: 13 April
Period of “trying”: 26 April to 1 May
Date of positive test: 17 May

Holy. Shit. That was quick,

So just before my period was due, I start getting the usual pre-period symptoms – tender breasts, tummy cramps, headaches – and I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Sooo then my period due date comes…and goes…did I mention I am usually regular as clockwork??!! So the next day ‘Im thinking “maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance that I *may* be pregnant” – I mean I’m 2 days late by this point right??

I make the hubby drive me to the supermarket and we both wait anxiously whilst I pee on the stick….Result – not pregnant!! What the eff? Ok…more disappointment…but I figure I’m just late, just having a weird month.

By Friday I am now 6 days late and think something may be up, so decide to take another test, first thing in the morning….Result? Positive!!!!!!!!!! Relief, excitement, disbelief, happiness – so many emotions (not to mention hubby’s initial disdain at being woken up at 6am on his day off…although he soon came round)

By the end of the day I’ve done two more tests and we’ve both told a load of people we weren’t going to tell until after the approved 12 week mark – how the hell are you supposed to keep something this great a secret?! So, I download all the apps and work out I’m about 5 weeks pregnant. Only 35 to go. And I can’t stop thinking about it. All day, every second. How the hell am I supposed to get back to doing normal things like work when this most amazing thing is happening?

We both sit there thinking….what next? Well, the truth is, nothing. Its a waiting game now…..whilst at the same time your body starts going into overdrive to make room for the little guy. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THE CRAMPS!! Seriously this is something I’ve never heard any pregnant women mention?! And I have 8 nieces & nephews so I’ve been around pregnant women before. I blame my sisters for not warning me about this. When I mention this to them now the response is “you think that’s bad, wait until you’re in labour”. Awesome. thanks for that.

I have to admit I didn’t anticipate feeling this whole body change quite so much. I really thought I’d still be me, still feel like me, but with a bump out front. Now pregnant me is laughing at naive pre-pregnant me.

And there’s the tender breasts….which are so sore I cant lie on my stomach, and which also seem to have swollen to twice their size (much to the happiness of my other half). Lastly there’s the other personalities that seem to have taken over my body – weeping Willow, bitchy Betty, solemn Susan, happy Harriet. you get the picture. Another word for it is crazy. Cos that’s how you feel jumping from one mood to the next with each changing wind direction…I do feel for the hubby in this respect – its gonna be a long 9 months. But then I remember I get the cramps, and the pain, and the food/ drink restrictions annnnnnnd the weight gain. And then suddenly I don’t feel too bad for him.